Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
