next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
