Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
