Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
