he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
