I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
