all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
