Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You've changed since you got that strap on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
