I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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