Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
