Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think your dad took our porno
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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