do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
