I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
