went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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