do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
