bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
