Will you blow on my dice?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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