Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
