Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
