So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
