i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
