its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
