the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
