Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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