Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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