First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
