garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
