On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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