My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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