i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize