end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
