I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize