Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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