Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize