The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
