my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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