Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
