He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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