ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
