When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize