So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
