Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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