escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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