Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
