I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
