Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
