I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
