Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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