Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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