i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
