Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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