just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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