thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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