the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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