How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize