Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize