so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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