Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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