I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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