I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
