is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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