So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are we still banned from the library?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
