But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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