1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
