I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
