I want to have your abortion
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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