if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
