oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think my tv is drunk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
