i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
