laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
